Marriage vs Mate

 

So what is the difference between marriage (wife/husband) and a mate? Can you have both in one? This is a question that many have asked since God created Adam and Eve. Eve started it with that damn apple!  

 

You find the one you want to spend the rest of your life with (you think). So you take the plunge and get wed and settle down for a life of bliss (you hope). Then one day you find yourself asking, what was I thinking! The sparkle is gone. The wife/husband has changed. At least in your eyes. So what's missing? 

 

You made a mistake. You married a man/woman, not your mate. The one you married has so many flaws you can't get past. You don't communicate anymore, if you ever truly did. Maybe you had only talked AT each other and not TO each other. Maybe you expected one thing and got another. This won't do. You deserve better! Or do you? After all, you are the one that went into this with your eyes wide open. You convince yourself that he/she has changed, not you!! 

 

You married a man/woman, not your mate. So what is the difference? Well, a mate is something that you fold into and they into you. With time each has accepted the little idiosyncrasies of the other. You have learned how to agree to disagree and then let it go. You have learned to put your selfishness aside and be humble even if it hurt a little. And so has your mate! Giving becomes more of a pleasure than a task as long as it isn't taken for granted or abused. Trust is something that you have and so does your mate because it has been earned not trampled on. 

 

A mate is one that has evolved with you. A mate takes care of you and you take care of them at all times. They even put your needs ahead of yours and you, in turn, do the same for them.  

 

There is my humble opinion. If you just want a wife/husband go for it. However, if you want a lasting relationship take the time to understand and help your future mate to understand what it takes to be a mate.                                                                           

**Full disclosure: I have been through many marriages to learn these lessons.