Hasta Muerte Coffee Shop

A parody of a wishful

 true-life occurrence. 

PO=Police officer  EO= Employee owner

 

PO: Good morning and Buenos Dias. 

EO: Whadda ya want?

PO: I want to welcome you to the neighborhood and talk about how we can work together to assure the success of your new business, and of course a cup of your fine coffee.

EO: We don't need your help. You are a cop and we have a policy of asking police to leave for the physical and emotional safety of our customers and ourselves.

PO: I see. Since this is your policy my fellow officers and I will respect that although I wish we could respect each other and work and live together in harmony. I'll just take a large coffee to go, please

EO: You are a cop and we have a policy of asking police to leave for the physical and emotional safety of our customers and ourselves. NO COFFEE FOR YOU!

PO: But coffee is something that I need to stay alert as I patrol to help keep the neighborhood safe from robbers and violent protesters.  

EO: You are a cop and we have a policy of asking police to leave for the physical and emotional safety of our customers and ourselves.

PO: (as he is leaving and looking around at the patrons) OK. I hope that all of you know the tried and true saying: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR. YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT. Good day and good luck.

 

The next day in the early evening

911 operator: 911, what's your emergency.

EO: Send the cops. There are protesters outside and they are getting restless.

911: What are they protesting? 

EO: Undocumented immigrants. I don't like the look in their eyes and a couple of them keep grabbing their crotch and winking at some of my fellow EO females and patrons.

911: So they are protesting illegal aliens and making sexually suggestive actions.

EO: YES YES!!

911: Stand by and I'll despatch the closest marked units to your location. This is the Hasta Muerte Coffee Shop, correct?

EO: YES YES!! AND HURRY!!!

911: Sir, I have just spoken to the Sargent and he said he is heading back to HQ to change his clothes and leave his weapon and will be there ASAP. He asks if you will have a fresh pot and maybe a sweet pastry ready when he gets there.

EO: WHAT!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

911: No sir. He said that he respects your wishes that an officer in uniform carrying a weapon is not welcome because he is a cop and you have a policy of asking police to leave for the physical and emotional safety of your customers and yourselves. He would feel horrible if his uniform and revolver put even one of your customers in therapy or sent them screaming for their coloring books. 

EO: I just saw a police car screaming by with the siren blasting!

911: Yes sir. I told you the Sargent said he was heading back to HQ. We hope that the noisy sirene didn't send anyone there into their safe space never to be seen again. 

EO: WHAT IS THIS!! A NIGHTMARE?!

911: OH, no sir. We completely respect.......One moment, please. The Sargent is hailing me............... 

EO: If he doesn't hurry bullets may be hailing down on us!!!!!

911: Sir, the Sargent said to let you know, that you need the support of the actual community to keep this place safe. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

 

Read the real article here.